Posts Tagged churches

The Two Most Dangerous Words Spoken in Church – Bill Wilson – ethicsdaily.com

The Two Most Dangerous Words Spoken in Church | Bill Wilson, Language, Leadership

Congregations and clergy alike are infected by this insidious disease that eats away at the heart of who we are and our mission in the world, Wilson writes. (Image courtesy of stockimages/FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

Two of the most dangerous words in a minister’s vocabulary are, “Yes, but…”These are also two of the most destructive words a congregation will ever utter. The order of their utterance is important.

First we say, “Yes. I agree. We agree. This is true and right.”

●     It is right that people matter more than things. My marriage is my highest priority. My children deserve my full attention.

●     It is right that personal morality matters. Yes, I should be honest and forthcoming with my spouse, my children and my employer.

●     It is biblical and Christ-like to care for our community and all those in it who are in need. It is important, even essential, that we speak the truth in love.

●     It is right that we should be flexible about all things that are not essentials of the faith. We agree that we should care for our staff and respect them.

●     Yes, my body is the temple of God. Yes, gossip is wrong and expressly prohibited in Scripture.

The list of things to which we say “yes” is long and filled with a beautiful litany of assertions with which none can argue.

Then comes the second word, “but…”

●     My spouse doesn’t appreciate me. My church takes advantage of me, and our staff is lazy. My children will understand that I have work to do.

●     Talking about him or her behind their back feels right. If I spoke the truth, they might not like me. She is so hard to be nice to, why bother?

●     I’ve worked hard today, so I deserve an extra dessert. My illness is more important than anything else on your agenda.

●     We’ve got to take care of our own before we worry about those people out there. How dare you change the order of worship.

In short, the “yes, but…” approach reveals that we believe that we are an exception to the rule. We believe in the rule, the truth, the value; we just don’t think it applies to us.

Over many years of pastoral ministry, I’ve heard people explain away the most obscene actions, attitudes or intentions with these two words: “Yes, but…”

I continue to be astonished at our ability to make exceptions of ourselves.

Our ability to rationalize and justify our actions is profound. It is dark, demonic and at the root of much of the evil in congregational and clergy life.

We are quick to excuse ourselves and our behavior behind a stream of denial and blindness to our truth.

We talk ourselves into believing that what is right for everyone else somehow does not apply to us.

Congregations and clergy alike are infected by this insidious disease that eats away at the heart of who we are and our mission in the world.

If we do not face up to our actions, we run the risk of ruining our witness and thwarting the plans God has for us in the future.

What are we to do? Fortunately, the Bible is clear, and there are many who have walked this path back into God’s intentions.

First, we must confess.

Granted, it is much easier and enjoyable to confess the sins of others. They are so obvious and clear and numerous! However, our call to confession starts internally.

If you are not sure if you are guilty of this two-word sin, simply ask your spouse, children, colleagues or a trusted friend, “When and where do I say ‘yes, but…?’ How have I made an exception of myself?”

Then listen as non-defensively as possible, with no excuses or explanations allowed. Take your medicine.

Second is remorse and repentance.

Own your sin and turn away from it. Sounds so simple, doesn’t it? Yet, it will take all you have for the rest of your life to accomplish this move.

Along the way, you will discover that neither you nor your congregation can accomplish this in your own strength.

What is necessary is a profound sense of our helplessness and inability to manage ourselves.

Third, we turn to the good news of grace; we throw ourselves and our flaws and foibles upon the mercy and grace of God.

What we cannot do for ourselves, God does in us, with us and through us. That forgiveness frees us from the illusion of perfection. No longer do we believe we are an exception to God’s truth.

Now that we have been humbled and shown the truth about ourselves, we no longer find it necessary to excuse or defend our actions or pretend to be perfect. We know our tendencies to rationalize and justify.

We have those around us who help us see ourselves as we truly are. We are on the journey toward spiritual health as a congregation and as a minister. There is hope for us.

Bill Wilson is president of the Center for Healthy Churches in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.

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Blaming Our Schools Doesn’t Solve Problems – Ethicsdaily.com

Blaming Our Schools Doesn’t Solve Problems
By: Mitch Carnell Posted: Wednesday, April 3, 2013 6:02 am Section: EthicsDaily.com’s Latest Articles
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Blaming Our Schools Doesn't Solve Problems | Mitch Carnell, Church, Public School, Community Engagement, Education Rather than constantly berating teachers, churches can provide programs to recognize and reward outstanding teachers, Carnell observes.

I am a product of small-town public schools. As the battles rage over what is wrong with our schools and what makes for a good teacher, I think much can be learned from studying my hometown.Woodruff, S.C., is a small, cotton mill town in the Piedmont region. In my youth, the great majority of people worked in one of the two textile mills and lived in company-owned houses. Many of these workers were refugees from small dirt farms.

Many had never graduated high school; however, they shared one unifying goal. They were determined that their children would live better lives and knew that education was the only solution.

They supported the schools. They turned out for school events although they had worked long hours in the mills, on the surrounding farms or both. They knew the teachers personally. The school was a source of pride.

There is another important ingredient. The church was involved in lifting the level of its children.

My church, Northside Baptist, worked to push its young people forward. Most of all, the congregation encouraged us.

The congregation also supported its pastors in getting more education in summer programs at the seminaries. It valued education.

We had interim pastors from the religion department at Furman University. We held joint services with the Methodist church down the street. If it had a prominent speaker in town, we went to worship with them.

Once when I spoke at our church as a teenager, that Methodist pastor invited me to speak there.

These people were poor in material goods, but they were rich in what matters. They were invested in the lives of their children.

On report card day, as I walked by the parsonage, my pastor, the Rev. Roy Gowan, wanted to see my report card. He was an encourager. I am sure he repeated this over and over again as other children passed by his house.

The old Baptist Training Union gave many of us a great start. We had to read or say our assigned parts. This was the beginning of my public speaking career. Christmas pageants and youth nights at Christmas followed. The adults showed up for these programs.

My high school speech teacher was also the superintendent of schools. “Teaching this class keeps me close to the students,” he said. “I know what they are thinking.”

He also taught a large men’s Bible class at First Baptist Church and invited me to be a guest teacher. These men were very supportive even though they were from a higher socioeconomic status.

I know that times have changed. The church cannot be as involved with the schools as it once was; however, this reality provides a great copout. There is nothing that says that churches cannot provide mentoring programs.

Churches can still provide training programs for their young people. They can provide opportunities for them to practice their skills. Rather than suppress discussion of controversial topics, the church can arrange civil discussions.

The church can provide scholarships to students and teachers. Rather than constantly berating teachers, churches can provide programs to recognize and reward outstanding teachers.

In the ongoing and worsening struggle over bullying, the church should be leading the crusade to curb it. Where are the programs on Christian behavior? Where are the programs on Christians’ responsibilities as citizens?

Where are the counseling programs for troubled youth? Where are the speaking contests, music recitals and essay contests? Where are the Christian parenting courses?

These are tough times economically, but in many churches or in the community there are well-trained volunteers who could and would conduct these programs and many others.

If nothing more, the church could get out of the criticism business and get into the supporting business. Negative sermons are easy to preach and require no preparation.

Ministers can lead the way by demonstrating the power of thorough preparation. Not by littering their sermons with endless quotations, but by demonstrating their mastery of the subject.

Many churches are simply asking the wrong question: What is wrong with our schools, our youth and our teachers?

The right question to address is this: What can we do to improve the lives of our young people?

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The Purpose of Say Something Nice Sunday.

            The 6th annual Say Something Nice Sunday celebration was a huge success as more churches continue to join the movement. There were some superb articles and blogs published. As usual there were some negative articles by those who misunderstand the purpose and believe that we are promoting an easy Christianity. We believe that all people were created by God and thus deserve our respect.

            The purpose of Say Something Nice Sunday is to urge Christians and Christian churches, denominations and groups to honor God with our sacred gift of communication and to build up the Kingdom of God through building each other up with our speech. We recognize that our speech is a reflection of what is in our hearts and ultimately our goal is that we will grow in our love and knowledge of Jesus and of each other. We may differ in our thoughts, opinions and theology but we recognize that we are all creations of the same God and that we are sisters and brothers in Christ.

            We invite all religious groups to join our cause. You need not wait for another year to get started. Start today.

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Thankful Thursday – The Rev. Dr. Loren Mead

On this Thankful Thursday, I am grateful for the gifts that the Rev. Dr. Loren Mead brings to my life. Loren is an Episcopal priest now retired but called back into the trenches by Saint Alban’s Episcopal Church near the Washington Cathedral. He writes a blog, “The Daily Cup.” He grew up in South Carolina and served churches in Moncks Corner and Chapel Hill. In 1974 he founded the Alban Institute and served as its president. The Institute works with troubled churches. He is a graduate of the University of the South and the University of South Carolina. I met him in the summer of 1996 at the Chautauqua Institution where he gave a series of five lectures on, “The Once and Future Church.” I had the great unexpected pleasure of talking with him. He assured me that the Southern Baptists were not the only group being ravaged by fundamentalism. Then he offered me the most profound advice concerning our own local struggles. “Mitch, stay as long as it nourishes you.” Where could you find more sage advice? I followed his recommendation and continue to be nourished by a great and wonderful fellowship. We have reconnected recently and he has given his thumbs up to Say Something Nice Sunday. His latest book is the, Financial Meltdown in Mainline?  He is also an ardent swimmer. On this Thankful Thursday, I am grateful for the influence of Loren Mead in my life.

Thankful Thursday is a day set aside to recognize the importance of someone to our lives and to let her or him know of our gratitude. Develop an attitude of gratitude. Say Something Nice; Be a Lifter. You will be glad that you did.

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