Archive for category Say Something Nice

Christmas on the Mill Village

When mother and dad still worked at Abney Cotton Mill and we lived on Woodruff Street, Christmas was very special.

Every year my sister and I were in the Christmas pageant at Northside Baptist Church just a few doors away from our house. There was always a huge Christmas tree in the sanctuary. I was always a shepherd or wise man which required wearing my bathrobe.  One year while waiting to go to the church, I got too close to our heater and burned a hole in my shepherd’s bathrobe. It didn’t matter to anyone but my sister who was in charge of me. I knew that she wouldn’t tell our parents.

After the pageant and the congregation singing of a lot of Christmas carols, Santa Claus came and everyone from the oldest to the youngest received a present. It was great fun. As we walked home everyone was laughing and talking. Children were told to hurry to bed because Santa would not come to their houses until they were fast asleep.

Christmas was hard for mother and dad because dad was sick most every winter, a combination of asthma and allergies to cotton dust. Money was tight and the Second World War was still raged. There was no metal for toys, but Christmas mornings were exciting. The boxes we put out for santa were filled with fruit and nuts and one or two toys. We were soon outside playing with the other kids. Some years there was a smattering of snow.

By early afternoon the entire family, except for those away in service, were gathered at grandmother Carnell’s for Christmas dinner. It was a grand feast. Everybody brought something. Aunt Alice always made homemade rolls and ambrosia. Mother brought a fruitcake which she had soaked in grape juice for weeks. Dan Stone, a friend of my grandmothers, came early and made real egg nog. I never understood this, but it was a tradition. Tee totaling Baptists could drink spiked egg nog once a year at Christmas.

Of course grandmother was the focus of attention. My grandfather Carnell died years before I was born. There was usually some kind of drama with Uncle Wells, dad’s brother. One Christmas I was fascinated that he had driven a rental car from Gastonia, North Carolina. I didn’t know there was such a thing as a rental car.

Everyone gathered in the living room for the handing out of gifts: chocolate covered cherries, candies of all sorts, jewelry, cheap perfume, pen and pencil sets, toy cars and books. One year I got a book about the Lone Ranger with print too small fo r me to read. Another year it was a cardboard horse racing set. These were grand events. We were a very close family.

Our family left the gathering early enough for us to go to my other grandparents who lived in the country about five miles away. The same exchanges would take place but on a much smaller scale because there was less family. Mama and Pop Gossett, mother’s parents, had very little money, but the food was always wonderful. I loved their big two story house with its log burning fireplace in the combination living dining room. There was a huge ice box on the side porch. Uncle Jim, mother’s brother, and his family were usually there. Uncle Jim and Aunt Norma had four children. They were a fun loving group.

One of the best parts of the season happened before Christmas when the mill gave generous baskets of fruit and nuts to each employee. Since both mother and dad worked in the mill, they each received a basket. It was a wonderful gift. Looking back I am sure that is the only Christmas extras that some families had but I was not aware of the more human conditions at that time. Life in our small town was good. Our family was happy and together. It was a wonderful time and place to grow up. Our lives revolved around family, church and school.

President Roosevelt died while at Warm Springs in Georgia on April 12, 1945. The reaction to his death was so strong that one would have thought that he was a member of our family. The war also ended that year. Uncle Jack and other family members came home. Dad left the mill for a job in town. In 1946 mom and dad bought a house about a mile away and we moved away from the mill village. I changed elementary schools and my sister, Jean, was in high school. Nothing would ever be the same.

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Religion: Guard My Speech by Rabbi Debbie Israel*

December 8, 2022

Each of us have experienced the power of words. The internet has made spreading rumors and gossip so easy—all we have to do is press “copy” or “forward” or “share” on our computers.  Disagreements quickly become angry exchanges; people speak rudely to and about one another; and civil discourse is the new code word for “dial it down.”

Rabbi Debbie Israel

Careful speech is an important Jewish ethical discipline. Our scholars have taught us that words have great power, teaching the importance of being vigilant in our usage of speech and to avoid others’ unethical speech, called in Hebrew “lashon harah,” the evil tongue.

Remember those childhood lessons we learned about words: If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all; think before you speak. What about this one: sticks and stones will break our bones but words will never harm us. We know that’s not true. Bones mend but hurtful words stay for a long time, sometimes forever.

Even innocent comments can cause harm to another person. We must especially exercise great care to avoid embarrassing someone.

Harmful words are often used intentionally. Talk show hosts and callers and politicians verbally attack anyone who has a different point of view. Store shoppers take out their frustrations on innocent clerks. Each of us has probably let slip a tirade from time to time.

While it’s easy to look at the behavior of others, it’s so much harder to judge ourselves. Almost always, we feel our responses are justified. We don’t think of it as gossiping; it’s just talking, keeping up, sharing information. When we belittle others, we rationalize that they deserve it. We tattle about others, we spread rumors, we rob others of their good name.

Why do we do it? Often we justify that it’s just conversation. We’re just being social. Maybe gossiping proves how much we know or that we have inside sources. Maybe we do it to be liked, sharing insider scoops. Gossiping and criticizing others is how we feel more powerful—putting others down to build up our own self esteem.

Well, if we can’t gossip what can we say to one another? Rabbi Jack Riemer has some suggestions. How about saying things that will get us more personally in touch with other people: How are you? What do you need? What can I do to help? What’s happening in your life? You did a great job. That looked difficult but you did it. Thank you. I appreciate what you did. You are special. And of course, I love you.

It is helpful to include this prayer in our daily practice, a prayer that Jews recite at every service: “Keep my speech from evil and my lips from deception.”

*Rabbi Debbie Israel is Rabbi Emerita of Congregation Emeth Jewish Community and the Executive Director of Interfaith Activities in South County. All faith communities of South County are welcome to participate in the Religion column of the Morgan Hill Times and Gilroy Dispatch.  To join the rotation of writers, clergy should contact rabbidebbieisrael@gmail.com

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“Listening Is Hard Work : www.day1.org

Wednesday September 21, 2022

Day1
Organization: Alliance for Christian Media
Denomination: n/a

“To be heard is to be healed,” according to the Rev. Susan Sparks. A great many of our problems and national wounds could be healed, if we would listen to one another.

No one wins nor do we make progress when we shout at each other or turn a deaf ear to a proposal without considering its possible merits. This is no easy solution. Listening is hard work even under the best of circumstances. One must make a conscious effort to actively listen and not interrupt.

Interrupting is an act of war. It shouts that what I have to say is more important than what you have to say. We may feel that way, but if progress is to be made we must be willing to listen. That does not giving the other person permission to run on forever. We are talking about give and take in a civil conversation. Bishop Sally Dyck of the United Methodist Church has suggested Holy Conferencing. The idea is that the person holding a plastic dove has permission to talk without interruption. The dove is then passed to someone on the opposite side of the issue.

Calling each other names or pinning labels on each other will make the situation worse. A sure way to block real communication is to tell me that the problem is my fault. That may be true, but it will not move the conservation forward. Instead try, “Here is a way that could help us solve our impasse.”

If I treat you with respect and you treat me with respect, we are well on our way to creating an environment in which it is possible to make progress. I am not suggesting that it is necessary for any of us to give up our convictions or principles. I am suggesting that we sincerely take the time to listen to each other.

There are so many issues on which we disagree, but there are so many more issues on which we agree or have some levels of agreement. Start with the basics. I love this country and I know that you do as well. I am in favor of national health insurance for all of our citizens. Help me understand why you are not. I favor finding a way to citizenship for the so called Dreamers. Tell me why you are not. At this point you are tempted to call me a liberal, but that would not move us forward nor would it solve our problem.

Perhaps I should rephrase my statement. How could we improve accessibility to health care for all Americans? Are there some steps we could take that would lead to citizenship for the so-called Dreamers?

I have dinner every week with a group that I have been eating with for at least 35 years. We celebrate birthdays and holidays. We have attended weddings and funerals in each other’s family. All of the others in the group are members of a different political party from me and yet we have found a way to maintain our friendships. It has not always been easy, but we are dedicated to one another.

Honest conversation is rare because it is so difficult. It requires effort and a willingness to engage. It is far easier to ignore you, discount you or call you names. That requires no thought at all, but I am the loser. Our country, our civic organization or our church is the loser. As usual the Scriptures say it best: “Come now, let us reason together.” (Isaiah 1:18 NIV)

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Mitch Carnell is a member of First Baptist Church of Charleston, SC. He is the founder of Say Something Nice Day and Say Something Nice Sunday on the first Sunday in June. He blogs at www.mitchcarnell.com.

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Rites Are Rarely Wrong – Chaplain Norris Burkes

In the Baptist church where I grew up, Deacon Bob taught that rites and rituals were of Catholic origin and therefore had no place in the Baptist faith.
As a chaplain, I can tell you that rites are rarely wrong.

Deacon Bob was wrong. Our Sunday services was full of rituals.

The worship service always began with a prayer, followed by three songs. The congregation usually stood during the first and the third songs, and a soloist or choir anthem transitioned the worship into the offering time.  Immediately after the offering plates were collected, our pastor delivered a three-point, 25-minute sermon that concluded with an altar call hymn.

Rituals and rites are intrinsic parts of life. As a healthcare chaplain, I have found this especially true in the death and dying process. I’ve helped deliver rites and rituals to people of all faiths. While these rites would mean very little to mainstream Christians, they still demonstrate the power of rituals and rites in the moment of death.

For instance, I’ve helped bedridden patients do such things as tape a crystal to their wrist, rotate their bed into a Feng Shui position, put a healing blanket on their bed or garlic underneath it. I’ve collected bones of the dead, feathers for the living, and even the placenta of a deceased baby.

Of course these rites don’t represent mainstream patients. The majority of the patients I visit are exemplified in someone I’ll call Mr. Stanley; a 76-year-old Korean veteran I met in the VA hospital three years ago.

Stanley’s heart was failing, and he was struggling to find breath as his tearful wife of 50 years kept trading glances between him and his heart monitor. At some point, she asked me to bless him. I thought back to my Baptist upbringing. We prayed for the sick but blessing someone was not a rite we practiced.

However, chaplains bring a nonjudgmental presence and deliver what people need in their moment of crisis, I wrote a blessing for him. I began by placing one hand on Stanley’s shoulder and holding the other open before me, as if I was expecting something to be placed in it.

“May God place you in his hand and hold you there.

May he pull you close to his heart.”

Cupping my outstretched hand over my own heart, I added:

“May you know the beating of God’s heart.
May your heart match the rhythm of his heart.
May his spirit fill your lungs with the healing breath of life.
May you know the calling of his direction.
May you hear his voice and find a peace that passes all understanding.
I pronounce this blessing on you in the name of the Father, son and Holy Spirit.”

As I looked across at Mrs. Stanley, I saw a certainty forming on her face that wasn’t previously there. She knew and I both knew that God had brought some dignity of purpose to the moment.

My blessing wasn’t terribly creative, and it might not have been BC (Baptist correct), but its power in the lives of Mr. and Mrs. Stanley shouldn’t be disputed – even by Deacon Bob.

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