“Civility is an ancient virtue of civilized society. It is not simply about manners or moral judgments. Rather, it is about respectful engagement with a sense of fair play, which is especially important when differences are most strenuous.”
And so formed the basis of James Leach’s 50-state “civility tour” in 2010. At the time, Leach was chairman of the National Endowment for the Humanities and was visiting several locations in Park County. I was curious about Leach’s emphasis on “Civility in a Fractured Society,” so I joined the audience at the end of the day to hear his lecture.
I admit that I couldn’t help thinking about Walt Disney’s famous bunny, Thumper, who said, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all,” or my mom who basically said the same thing. Clearly, civility isn’t necessarily about being “nice,” as Leach pointed out. Indeed, humans can be incredibly polite while being horribly uncivil. What I think Thumper and Mom really meant was, “If you can’t say something positive”— or helpful or enlightening or beneficial — “just don’t say anything.”
Sadly, it doesn’t appear that much has changed in the last 12-plus years — or in the multitude of past generations for that matter. The question for us is, “Why all this agitation and angst?”
First, I believe that folks on all sides of an issue misjudge the conviction with which others hold certain positions. They may not realize how a concern reaches the depths of soul and belief of an individual — deep-seated tenets ingrained through upbringing, education and personal reflection. People’s religious beliefs, environmental concerns or other convictions could no sooner be given up than to change their ethnicity or race.
And then there’s personal experience.
“In an age characterized by change and its acceleration, by caffeinic mesmerism with Blackberries and texting, the collective of history is taking backstage to the fleeting novelty of individual experiences,” Leach told graduates at Miami Dade College in May 2010. “Yesterday can seem like yesteryear, a distant memory, an era before.”
Leach’s statement speaks to another aspect of the heated nature of so much of today’s discourse: One’s own experiences have an immense effect on his stand on a given subject. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing; when individuals are privy to another’s experiences, they might just gain perspective.
For instance, factor in a mother’s grief at the loss of a child to a drunken driver, and her rage at free-flowing alcohol in our society is understandable. A senior citizen struggling with the rising cost of, well, everything is panic-stricken at the mere mention of a tax increase and launches a tirade at Congress. A father who lost his job lashes out at the “environmentally conscious watchdogs” that shut down the factory where he worked.
Issues take on a whole new viewpoint from someone else’s shoes: They’re personal. When another shares an experience, it gives me a new appreciation for the complexity of a particular outlook. Civility means searching for that perspective to better understand an issue.
Finally, I like what President John F. Kenney said on the matter: “So let us begin anew — remembering on both sides that civility is not a sign of weakness, and sincerity is always subject to proof.”
*Marguerite House is a freelance writer and a columnist for the Cody, Wyoming Enterprise.
